Birth Affirmation

I've been umming and aahing about the blog that I want to write at the moment.  I can't write it because I'm rather cross and angry and no one want to read that stuff.  So in light of the 'you can't', 'your baby will die' and the 'your baby will be brain dead unless you do it my way' comments that some of my ladies have heard recently... it's time for some Birth Affirmations that my lovely Doula Sister, Katherine Woodbury has gathered.

BIRTH AFFIRMATIONS

I trust my body

My body was made for this

I listen to my body and I respond accordingly

I wait on my body to direct my next breath, my next surge, my next release of breath, my next inhale.

I am connected to my infant; my baby knows my heart beat, my breathing, my voice, the feeling of my love.

My body is perfect for birthing, it grew my baby all the while I just went about my normal living.

I trust it's wisdom and knowledge.

I trust it's ancient structure, and I give birth easily and effortlessly as I trust my body to do the work.

I am celebrating myself, my life and my coming birthing day

I see myself in perfect health

I affirm myself as a good mother

I am meeting my daily energy needs, I exercise regularly, I sleep and rest, I take in good foods and plenty of water

I am accepting my birth, my body as it is, my self as a new mother

I take care with comments from others, and recognize even well wishers can inadvertently give me suggestions that might diminish my belief in myself. I take myself away from these people quickly and easily.

I learn the greatest "pattern interruption" that I have is my blessed need to use the ladies room, and I use it whenever a situation is not to my liking.

I lovingly accept my changing body

I easily recognize where stress is coming from and I learn to release that easily.

I use proper foods in good proportion that is just right for nurturing this new life inside me.

I accept that others may not be as focused as I am on the baby, and I release any concerns about what others are doing and I choose to take care of myself first.

I notice when I get tense, and I consciously relax those areas of my body.

I start with relaxing my shoulders, and breathing all the way down "to my toes".

I remind myself to relax my whole body often.

When ever I feel tension in my back, I breathe into it, and relax.

I relax each muscle ...one at a time.

My body is beautiful, I have a loving and caring team of professionals around me through my pregnancy and birth

My body is growing a new life inside

I am proud of my body and I  trust it.

I trust it to add all the toes and fingers and to choose the right eye colour and hair, and to make a strong heart, and lungs and body. All I have to do, is continue to breathe and my body will do all the rest!

I accept each stage of the pregnancy as a new wonderful adventure.

I accept each stage of the birth as a new wonderful adventure

I accept all the states of motherhood as this same wonderful adventure

I love myself, I accept myself, just the way I am.

As I prepare for labour I remember I am in control

I trust my body, I love my body! It's just amazing! I am an amazing being.

I wait on what is best for my baby and I let my baby set the pace

My mind and body are calm

I stop my mind from running to thoughts of worry or fears,by using positive thinking as my first affirmation.

I notice when my thoughts are fearful, and I choose to change them.

Even though I'm feeling unsure, a little fearful, and a little vulnerable, even though I'm not sure of what is coming or how I will be, I totally love and accept myself and my baby.

 I feel so good about this I know it's going to empower me and I know when I've my baby iin my arms,  I will have made a personal transition in my journey as a woman. I look forward to this transtition, and I'm excited about this next phase of my life.

If in doubt, breathe out

The power and intensity of your contractions cannot be stronger than you, because it is you.

If it hurts, get off it, move it around, rub it better.

Just as a woman’s heart knows how and when to pump, her lungs to inhale, and her hand to pull back from fire, so she knows when and how to give birth.

Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.

Birth is a safe and wonderful experience.

I will give birth without complications.

I am not afraid.

I know my baby feels our calmness and confidence.

I trust in my ability to give birth.

My body knows exactly what it is doing.

I am confident in my ability to birth

naturally, painlessly amd easily.

During labour and birth,I am completely relaxed and comfortable.

I will have an uncomplicated, peaceful,joyous and pleasurable birth.

My baby is healthy.

I am completely cooperating with my body.

I will breathe deeply and slowly to relax my muscles making it easier for my uterus to work.

My body is made to give birth, nice and easy.

I believe my baby’s birth will come quickly and easily.

My body is completely relaxed.

All I need to do is relax and breathe – nothing else.

Everything is going right.

I feel the strong waves of labourand know that everything is normal and progressing.

Relax my mind and muscles.

I have Courage, faith and patience.

My body knows how to have this baby just as my body knew how to grow this baby.

Keep breathing slow and even. Inhale peace, exhale tension.

Keep my mind on acceptance and surrender.

I surrender my birthing over to my baby and my body.

My body has a wide open space for my baby to descend. There is nothing in the way.

My body will give birth in its own time.

I love my baby and I am doing all that is necessary to bring about a healthy birth.

Birth is an easy and natural occurrence for which my body has been perfectly designed.

The strength of my uterine contractions is a sign of my feminine strength.

I have the energy and stamina to birth my baby.

There will be no complications.

I surrender to the contractions and relinquish control of the forces within my body.

I allow my body’s natural anaesthesia to flow through my body.

I do not fight the birth in any way. My body is totally relaxed. I am not afraid.

The power and intensity of my contractions cannot be stronger than me, because it is me.

I am ready and prepared for childbirth.

My job is to simply relax and allow the birth to happen.

Just let my body do it; let it happen.

I see myself handling everything beautifully.

Each contraction produces a healthy, positive pain that I can handle.

Birth will go exactly as it should.

* My mind and body can handle a labour of any kind

* I will have a strong and healthy baby

* I trust my body to know how to birth this child

* I trust my instincts to know what I need in labour

* I trust my instincts to do what is best for my baby

* I am a strong and capable woman

* Only I can give birth to this baby and I accept responsibility for that challenge

* My body knows how to birth my baby

* I trust my instincts

* Babies are born when they are ready, not when doctors, midwives or anyone decides

* My body is indeed beautifully and wonderfully made

* It’s good for me to take care of myself. I get to have a voice

* I have to be truthful with myself

* Listen to my body and heart

* I deserve to have the birth I desire

* I trust my body

* I trust my pain

* I trust my labour

* I trust in my baby

* I am a strong and capable woman

* I am a powerful, loving and creative being

* I am now willing to experience all my feelings

* My pelvis releases and opens as have those of countless women before me

* I accept myself completely here and now

* I now feel inner peace and serenity

* I accept this labour as my labour and believe it is the right one for me and for my baby

* I love and accept my body completely

* I accept all my feelings as part of myself

* I feel the love of others around me

* My baby knows all is well

* My heart knows what my baby needs, my mind is learning

* I am a powerful, loving and creative being

* I accept myself completely here and now

* I now feel inner peace and serenity

* I accept all my feelings as part of myself

* Good strong contractions help my baby come into the world

* I embrace the concept of healthy pain

* I have enough love to go around, the universe always provides

* I am strong, confident assured, assertive and very feminine

* My body contains all the knowledge necessary to give birth to my baby

* My baby knows how and when to be born

* Birth is a safe and wonderful experience

* My baby will be born healthy and at the perfect time

Some of these may or may not appeal to you, but however you view them and/or use them, I'm guessing they are better thoughts to fill your heads with.  I know that I like them. 

Go, birth the way it was intended, giving thanks for the life saving interventions and for the trouble free births.

When you've won the fight and the course changes

I'm very blessed to work with some really amazing women.  One of my recent ladies is one such woman.  She had a crash caesarean with her firstborn after an induction led to the hyperstimulation of her uterus.  This caused her son's foetal heart rate to plummet and she was rushed into surgery.  This was very far from her hopes and plans to have a vaginal birth.  During this pregnancy, she had done her research and knew that she wanted to be mobile during the labour and that she would trust her body and react accordingly.  She studied and practised hypnobirthing with her partner and was careful to practise optimal foetal positioning.  All of this went out of the window and there was no time or chance of a Plan B.  This baby needed to be born.  


When we met, she had very clear ideas as to how she wanted to birth this second baby.  Her plan was to have a VBAC - Vaginal Birth After Caesarean.  Now, understandably the hospital was keen that she should be aware of the risks and took the opportunity to tell her often.  Her plan was to have as natural a birth as possible, with minimal intervention. It was for this reason that, together with her partner, she decided to look for a Doula.  As soon as I met her, I knew that there would be nothing for me to say or do but be there with her.  Suggesting options, unnecessary.  Yet my role was not redundant.  I remember the email telling me that the baby was breech and that might mean a Caesarean Section, something she dearly wanted to avoid.  My first thought was Spinning Babies, but she beat me to it.  Co-incidentally, Doula UK were hosting a Spinning Babies workshop with Gail Tully just as I was due to go on call.  Doula UK were in need of a model and so my lady stepped up.  Of course within a couple of days of being told that her baby was breech, she was scanned and told that her baby was now cephalic.  She was very happy to demonstrate the different Spinning Babies techniques that she had used.  It was a wonderful workshop because being as shy as me (read that as talks plenty), she was full of information about how she used the techniques and the ways in which she had informed herself.


The reason my lady was induced for her first birth was that she had gone to 42 weeks gestation.  She comes from a family who carry their babies to 43 weeks, so we were all prepared for the long wait.  In fact I felt confident enough to book theatre tickets for plays that would be performed in her 41st week.  2 days past her EDD I got a text to say that she was feeling a few twinges, but nothing to write home about and that she was having a show.  Now I was due to go to lunch with friends the next day, and I had really been looking forward to it.  I resigned myself to the fact that I would miss it, but hey... new life was coming into the world and that makes up for everything.  I got a call around 3.30am and I went over to see how they were doing.  The contractions seemed steady  and manageable so I sent her and her partner back to bed whilst I bedded down on the couch.  They got a couple of hours rest before it all began to ramp up.  Dad went out to collect their babysitter and then we set off for the hospital. It had been agreed (after some negotiation) that my lady could use the Birth Centre.  

We arrived at hospital at 6.30am to be told that there weren't enough midwives on the Birthing Centre, but that if we were able to wait until 8am, a new shift would start and there would be the requisite number of midwives.  A vaginal exam showed her to be 2cm.  The SHO told her that she wouldn't be sent home because she was a VBAC.  8am arrived pretty quickly and we went downstairs and began to get settled in the Birth Centre.  The very lovely midwife was smiling and welcoming.  She began her observations: blood pressure check, quick read through of my lady's medical history and then left the room to get a couple of bits.  My lady went to the bathroom and when she came out she looked crushed.  Her maternity pad was stained green.  This meant that the baby had passed meconium.  That put paid to all hopes of birthing in the Birth Centre.  I smiled as my lady reminded herself that dilation wasn't linear, things could change.  We went back upstairs to the labour ward where she would need continual foetal monitoring.  The Birth Centre midwife asked if she could give a quick vaginal exam as she felt the baby was coming quickly.  My lady was found to be at 8cm.  A new midwife came in to relieve the first midwife and she was just as lovely.  By 10.15am my lady was spontaneously pushing, but for some reason she had a sudden onset of fear and seemed unable to push her baby out.  The senior midwife apologised for becoming bossy, but she knew that the baby had meconium behind it and with a dipping heart rate wanted the baby out quickly.  The doctors were called in and an episiotomy was given.  As they attempted to attach a ventouse cap, my lady pushed her daughter out herself.  The baby was followed by a flood of meconium.

Was it a successful VBAC?  Yes.  She birthed her baby vaginally.  Was the birth what she had envisioned?  No, but she was grateful for the help that the midwives and doctors had given her when all that she fought for had changed course.


Oh and for those interested... I made it to lunch :D

Mothering Sunday

This morning my youngest three woke me with the largest cup of tea I have ever seen and a scone with blackberry jam.  Then left me with homemade cards etc so that I could 'enjoy my lie-in' and read.  Fabulous.  The smell of bacon is now filling the house as Miss Thing makes me a second breakfast.  I'm looking forward to that.

My mummy and her second great grandson

So at the moment I'm counting my blessings and giving thanks for the wonderful children I have been blessed with.  I'm also thinking about my Mum who raised her daughters alone.  I think she did a pretty good job.  Each of us are moving happily through life filled with the love and principles she gave us.  Mum is enjoying her role as grandmother and great grandmother.  Then I think about my sister, the first of us girls to have a baby.  I remember so vividly the night before my niece was born.  I remember holding my sister's hand as she was getting ready to become a mother.  It was scary and exciting, all at the same time.  Fast forward a few years and it was my turn to take those faltering steps into motherhood.  Oh it was good to be able to call my sister when I couldn't work out why my gorgeous baby boy cried and cried.  And suddenly another sister had a son.  Wow!  Our family was growing.  I was clearly the one to do her bit for increasing the quota of grandchildren because I went on to have four more children.  My gorgeous, firstborn niece is now the proud mother of two boys.  Three generations of Motherhood in our family.  Incredible.

My mummy, her daughter , her granddaughter and her great grandson

I have to step back for a moment though.  I need to take time to remember my friends who are  no longer with us.  I'm thinking now of their children and my heart breaks for the times that they won't share and I smile when I think of the memories that they made.  I also remember the friends who are currently facing life-threatening illnesses just now.  The mothers who are unable to rejoice in Mothering Sunday due to medication and/or separation from their children.  And I think of my friend Leigh whose daughter is currently in remission whilst waiting for a bone marrow transplant .  I pray for those brave mothers, their incredible children and their partners as well as the grandmothers who support them.


To all the Mothers whose babies I have seen come into the world... It has been a privilege, honour and a blessing to share that with you.


On this Mothering Sunday I want to say thank you for the wonderful blessing that is my family and wish you all a wonderful day as you celebrate and are celebrated.

My mad family and I. Mothers, sisters, aunts and niece.

50/50

One of my gorgeous ladies called me the other day.  She'd been having problems with sore nipples.  It turns out her daughter not only had a tongue tie, but she also had a bubble palate.  Despite all of this she managed to get more than enough milk to keep midwives and health visitors happy.  Mum is producing copious amounts of milk.  Once all of this had been sorted, my lovely lady took her daughter to be weighed.  When she called me to update me she told me which percentile her daughter was on.


We spend a lot of time being worried about percentiles.  I tend to have a standard answer for my ladies, which hopefully gives them pause.  A percentile simply means that x amount of babies at the same age as your beautiful baby are bigger and x amount are smaller.  If all of our babies were on the 50th percentile, well to be fair, none of the percentiles would make sense.  We would all be standard!  Now, I love people watching and I can tell you, in a non scientific or statistically proved way, that no two people look the same.  We are different shapes, sizes, colours and frames.  I see tall people, short people, skinny people, not so skinny people and huge people.  We were not all designed to be the same size.


So why, knowing this, are we obsessed with percentiles?  Lady Baby spent her babyhood very happily on the 2nd percentile.  She also had a lovely time on the 0.9th percentile.  Boy Child happily went from the 9th to the 50th to the 75th percentile.  I fed them the same milk and swapped breasts regularly.  Even now, aged 8, they are different sizes.  I put that down to them being individuals.


I look at some of my clients and they are tall people.  I imagine that their babies will be larger.. I see skinny people and imagine that their babies won't do the rolls of fat thing.  I look at my clients and know that they will do their best to raise healthy children.  


Now, before you jump up and down, there will be some babies who, for some reason, fail to thrive.  They won't meet their weight milestones, they might inexplicably lose more weight than is healthy.  This I know and for this the percentiles are kind of handy.  However, if all babies were to continually jump the percentiles (this is my impression of what health care professionals want) then surely they would be severely obese one year olds?  


Babies, like people, come in different shapes and sizes.  If our babies lose too much weight, we increase their feeding.  We put our babies back to the breast more often and we watch them grow.  We check their tongues, their attachment, their 'milking' of the breast and effective feeding.  If there is a problem, we go and get it sorted out (at least I hope we do).  We remember, please remember, that the 50th percentile simply means that 50% (or should that be 49%) of babies of this age are bigger and the other 50% are smaller than this baby.  We're not all average, and nor should we wish to be.

Spinning

Last week I was at Gail Tully's Spinning Babies workshop.  It was a wonderful day, but it felt strange to be there.


Now, I introduce myself to potential clients as 'a Doula with no tricks' and tell them how a North London hospital refers to me as 'the sensible Doula'.  It's funny really, because Spinning Babies is all about doing things, so I found myself learning and wondering how, why or if I would use the principles.  This is something that causes debate in the Doula world, or maybe just the Doula world that I inhabit.  We are there to BE rather than to DO.


So, as it is spinning around my mind (did you see what I did there?), it is being blogged.  So do forgive me if I pop things down and end up at an expected conclusion.  Who knows.  My mind is busy busy busy with this.


Gail talked about balance, gravity and movement.  Now as a Doula I spend a lot of time thinking about gravity and movement.  I'm not sure why balance didn't occur to me.  I encourage my ladies to be mobile in labour (where they want to be and sometimes when they are not so sure).  I tell everyone who will listen that gravity will help bring the baby down and get the baby out.  It's a no brainer.  But balance?  I hadn't thought about that at all.  Thinking about the fascia was new to me.  I have cranial osteopaths that I recommend to my clients.  Muscles?  Pregnancy massage.  What's not to love?  Ligaments, well they stretch don't they?  And that was about as far as I had gotten until Gail's workshop.  Now I'm changing my thinking.  Perhaps it is my balance that needs checking.


There is a thin line between Being and Doing and so one thing I need to think about is, when is it appropriate?  That will be a balance thing.  One of my lovely ladies was the model for the workshop.  She was wonderful because she had been using Spinning Babies techniques for herself and had only recently been told that her breech baby was now head down.  Another reason why she was wonderful was the way that she responded to questions. Her answers spawned new questions and thoughts.  It also taught Gail that on this side of the Pond, we speak the same language differently.  lol.  What I learned from her presence was a simple reinforcement of signposting and allowing (sorry Mary) my ladies to take and leave what they wanted from the information that I am so keen to share.  I will admit to a little jealousy that she has now taught her husband how to use a Rebozo.  I'll be the Doula in the corner reading. 


The workshop also answered some questions in the recesses of my mind with regards to labours I had been unable to 'read'.  I wouldn't have changed much of what I did, but I would have pointed my ladies towards Spinning Babies and I would have made more informed suggestions at those times when my ladies ask me 'what more can I do?' and I tread that tightrope called Being and Doing.


So perhaps the Doula with no tricks does have one or two up her sleeve!

Progression

This is another word that I hear a lot.  Progression, or lack thereof.


It wasn't a difficult birth, a caesarean birth or an instrumental birth that brought the word progression to my mind.  It was a straightforward, nice and easy birth.  The student midwife (lovely girl) kept talking about how much progression she could see.  "Ooh lots more show and fluid.  Lots of lovely progression", "Baby's coming down, that's progression", "How nice to see progression without intervention".


We use a lot of words when talking to labouring women.  Sometimes I think that perhaps we should just be quiet, but that's just me.  We set boundaries, goals, barriers, markers etc for women to cross and/or stay within.  Are they for the labouring women, or are they for us?  There's a need to 'do something' and waiting isn't easy.  


I watched a fantastically fast labour that had gorgeously slow moments.  She went from 0-60 and dilated at a rate of knots.  When it came to the pushing stage, well the baby slowed right down and birthed beautifully.  For some, the slowing of the labour would not have been seen as progression, rather a failure to progress, but not for her two lovely midwives.  They smiled and agreed that this was what labours were supposed to do.  They waited.  And things progressed.


We do a lot of measuring when it comes to labour and birth.  We talk to our labouring mums about it all and add an unspoken pressure to 'do things right'.  Am I guilty of that?  Sometimes, but I'm working on it.


Maybe the progression we need is the one where we take a step backwards and let our labouring mums do as their bodies are designed to.

pro·gres·sion

   [pruh-gresh-uhn]  Show IPA

noun

1.

the act of progressing;  forward or onward movement.

2.

a passing successively from one member of a series to thenext; succession; sequence.

3.

Mathematics . a succession of quantities in which there is aconstant relation between each member and the onesucceeding it. Compare arithmetic progression, geometric progression, harmonic progression.

4.

Music . the manner in which chords or melodic tones followone another; a succession of chords or tones.

5.

Astrology . any of a variety of methods of comparing thenatal chart to subsequent planetary positions in order toestablish an optimum time to accomplish things or toestablish the probable time an event occurred or will occur.

Failed!

I hear the words "I failed.  I feel a failure" quite a bit.  And I wonder about it.


First time mums (and they are not exclusive) find it hard when they've done all that they can do to facilitate the 'perfect birth' and in reality it is not perfect at all.  The makers of Persian carpets (actual Persians, not factories), so I'm told, always put a slight flaw in their carpet patterns.  This is because only God is perfect.  I kind of like that.  


I've mentioned before the mothers and grandmothers who have told the new mum how difficult breastfeeding was for them and how it will be for her.  I'm sure that I also mentioned that we needed to be careful of the things that we take on board.  These are the things that become stumbling blocks and not stepping stones.


My heart breaks a little when I hear a new client tell me why they don't think that they will do so well at the birthing bit.  It breaks a little more when they tell me that their mother said so.  I tell my children (for as long as I can get away with it) that Mummy's always right and Mummy knows everything.  This is one thing that my children won't hear from me, "my labours and births were difficult and yours will be as well".  I don't think that those mothers mean to put fear into their daughters, but that's exactly what they do.  That fear is something that I have to work with and help the expectant mums to put aside or at least come to terms with so that it doesn't revisit them whilst they labour. 


We look to the mothers and grandmothers in our lives to tell us stories about birth and babies. It is sad when we teach our daughters to fear childbirth.  When we complain that a BBC series like Call The Midwife is too graphic and hide it from our children because we hear labour cries, well what example do we set?  What is it that we are teaching them?  Is not birth as much a part of life as death?  Birth is not always a thing of silence, nor is it necessarily bloodcurdling screams.  We need to tell stories of birth, but not just the blood, guts and gore and "I almost died" stories.  There are plenty of those about and many people to share them.  


Why not share the stories of how we persevered and did better than we expected, even if it wasn't quite the birth that we wanted.  Why not talk about the VBACs and HBACs, the second time arounds where we went beyond the 4cm that kept us stuck previously?  Let's make our Plans B and C and tuck them away so that when our Plan A goes awry, we can reach into our bags for the contingency and know that ultimately we didn't fail.