Tuesday, 21 August 2012

Be careful what you say. You don't know who may be listening.

I love being a Doula Mentor.  I really really love it. 

Tonight I met with one of my newer mentees.  The enthusiasm and the pure, unadulterated excitement makes me smile.  Every day I fall in love with doula-ing more and more, meeting the new doulas... well that just sends me into spheres of pure joy.

So let me tell you about tonight.  I'm still laughing and almost crying about it.

We met in the pub.  Most of my mentee meetings are over coffee and cake (I love cake).  This mentee is busy in the days so the evenings work better for her.  I suggested the pub.  A glass of wine and a vodka lime and soda later we were sat at a small table and we were talking about how I could support her and how she'd begun her journey.

We talked about the two births that she'd supported pre-doula days.  We talked about books that she's reading and that she'd like to read.  We talked about ways to improve her knowledge and how to build her clientele.  We talked about the fact that both of us are 'doulas with no tricks'.  And then I proceeded to talk to her about Rebozo.  Whilst I was giving a semi demonstration (standing), a guy at the table next to us asked if I was showing her some special ninja moves.  We laughed and explained what a doula is.

And this is the part that makes me cry follows.

The guy that asked the question was sat with two others, one guy, one girl.  The other guy is an expectant father, so we suggested that he look at the Doula UK website and consider hiring a doula.  We also suggested that he look at homebirth.  He was pleased (I think) to get the information but the girl at the table.  Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.  She had been told by her gynaecologist that once past the age of 35 there was a 1 in 2 chance that the babies would be born with autism, Downs Syndrome, disabled, messed up.  Women who have babies are ruined below and that sex would no longer be good.  In her own words, birth is an unnatural process and babies are ripped, torn and cut out of you.  She had a pathological fear and hatred of birth.  Personally, I want to find that man and in the words of The Sheriff of Nottingham (Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves), I want to cut his heart out with a spoon.  Why?  Because it will hurt more!

A saving grace?  The first guy is really interested in doulas, having never heard the term before, and will hopefully talk to his partner and they may well book one.  The second guy told us the story of his wife's retained placenta.  Their first child was born 'practically perfectly' and the placenta followed quickly.  Their second child, a boy, took his sweet time.  23 hours of slow labour before he finally slipped into the world.  His placenta, didn't want to come.  Eventually the midwife administered the syntometrine injection, but to no avail.  So, she wrapped the cord around her hand and tugged.  No movement.  She went to get a doctor, he repeated the cord wrapping and tugging.  Two more doctors came in and did the same.  Then dad said 'Enough!  I know that you are interfering with something natural.  There will be no more doctors tugging.  We will wait!'.  Two hours later, the placenta separated and came out with no fuss. What a star!  The girl?  Well her sister is 4 months pregnant and had the same gynaecologist and has a lot of the same fears.  My number and website details were asked for.  Of course I had been talking to my mentee about the importance of giving out business cards, because you never know who might need it.  Oh the shame to find that there were none in my bag! lol

Be careful what you say.  Be careful and mindful of who you listen to.  You don't know who hears or what they hear.

Now... where did I put that spoon?

The gorgeous Alan Rickman as The Sheriff of Nottingham

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