Progression

This is another word that I hear a lot.  Progression, or lack thereof.


It wasn't a difficult birth, a caesarean birth or an instrumental birth that brought the word progression to my mind.  It was a straightforward, nice and easy birth.  The student midwife (lovely girl) kept talking about how much progression she could see.  "Ooh lots more show and fluid.  Lots of lovely progression", "Baby's coming down, that's progression", "How nice to see progression without intervention".


We use a lot of words when talking to labouring women.  Sometimes I think that perhaps we should just be quiet, but that's just me.  We set boundaries, goals, barriers, markers etc for women to cross and/or stay within.  Are they for the labouring women, or are they for us?  There's a need to 'do something' and waiting isn't easy.  


I watched a fantastically fast labour that had gorgeously slow moments.  She went from 0-60 and dilated at a rate of knots.  When it came to the pushing stage, well the baby slowed right down and birthed beautifully.  For some, the slowing of the labour would not have been seen as progression, rather a failure to progress, but not for her two lovely midwives.  They smiled and agreed that this was what labours were supposed to do.  They waited.  And things progressed.


We do a lot of measuring when it comes to labour and birth.  We talk to our labouring mums about it all and add an unspoken pressure to 'do things right'.  Am I guilty of that?  Sometimes, but I'm working on it.


Maybe the progression we need is the one where we take a step backwards and let our labouring mums do as their bodies are designed to.

pro·gres·sion

   [pruh-gresh-uhn]  Show IPA

noun

1.

the act of progressing;  forward or onward movement.

2.

a passing successively from one member of a series to thenext; succession; sequence.

3.

Mathematics . a succession of quantities in which there is aconstant relation between each member and the onesucceeding it. Compare arithmetic progression, geometric progression, harmonic progression.

4.

Music . the manner in which chords or melodic tones followone another; a succession of chords or tones.

5.

Astrology . any of a variety of methods of comparing thenatal chart to subsequent planetary positions in order toestablish an optimum time to accomplish things or toestablish the probable time an event occurred or will occur.

Failed!

I hear the words "I failed.  I feel a failure" quite a bit.  And I wonder about it.


First time mums (and they are not exclusive) find it hard when they've done all that they can do to facilitate the 'perfect birth' and in reality it is not perfect at all.  The makers of Persian carpets (actual Persians, not factories), so I'm told, always put a slight flaw in their carpet patterns.  This is because only God is perfect.  I kind of like that.  


I've mentioned before the mothers and grandmothers who have told the new mum how difficult breastfeeding was for them and how it will be for her.  I'm sure that I also mentioned that we needed to be careful of the things that we take on board.  These are the things that become stumbling blocks and not stepping stones.


My heart breaks a little when I hear a new client tell me why they don't think that they will do so well at the birthing bit.  It breaks a little more when they tell me that their mother said so.  I tell my children (for as long as I can get away with it) that Mummy's always right and Mummy knows everything.  This is one thing that my children won't hear from me, "my labours and births were difficult and yours will be as well".  I don't think that those mothers mean to put fear into their daughters, but that's exactly what they do.  That fear is something that I have to work with and help the expectant mums to put aside or at least come to terms with so that it doesn't revisit them whilst they labour. 


We look to the mothers and grandmothers in our lives to tell us stories about birth and babies. It is sad when we teach our daughters to fear childbirth.  When we complain that a BBC series like Call The Midwife is too graphic and hide it from our children because we hear labour cries, well what example do we set?  What is it that we are teaching them?  Is not birth as much a part of life as death?  Birth is not always a thing of silence, nor is it necessarily bloodcurdling screams.  We need to tell stories of birth, but not just the blood, guts and gore and "I almost died" stories.  There are plenty of those about and many people to share them.  


Why not share the stories of how we persevered and did better than we expected, even if it wasn't quite the birth that we wanted.  Why not talk about the VBACs and HBACs, the second time arounds where we went beyond the 4cm that kept us stuck previously?  Let's make our Plans B and C and tuck them away so that when our Plan A goes awry, we can reach into our bags for the contingency and know that ultimately we didn't fail.  

Waiting on a baby

My next lady's baby is due any time in the next couple of weeks.  So I've been filling my on call time with cooking, baking and making marmalade.


I have decided that I need to be more proactive with my menu planning.  I need to get on and just blooming do it!  In an effort to do this, I have taken 5 cookbooks down from the shelf. The River Cottage Family Cookbook which holds my tried and trusted bread and pizza recipe.  The Wee Weapons made pizzas and also some butter and were very pleased with themselves.

Jamie Oliver's 30 Minute Meals from which I made a fabulous Jerk Chicken, but I do have to say Jamie... we call them rice n PEAS!!!!!  not beans my friend.


I'm about to look through Economy Gastronomy.  I enjoyed the few episodes that I saw and so bought the book.  Great recipes in there and the blinding revelation that Shepherd's/Cottage Pie is made from leftover lamb and beef respectively, not just mince.  Who know? (Well clearly not me!) 


We're a bit rubbish about new vegetables in this household, so I went back to the River Cottage for their veg book and a couple of recipes scared me, but more excited me.  I need to get some aubergines. 


The fifth cookbook, I mainly look at for pure pleasure.  But I really must start cooking from it because At Elizabeth David's Table (that I first saw on a friend's table) is full of some delicious creations.


So the cookie tin is full of chocolate chip cookies.  The fridge is bursting with fresh ingredients, a chicken is roasting (Economy Gastronomy chicken recipes to be made with leftovers), Orange and Vanilla marmalade has been put into jars and I need to call my friend for her shortbread recipe.


Time to menu plan, but darn these books are so gorgeous for poring over.

Baby Blue and all the hullabaloo

Avid celeb watchers and the fans of Beyonce welcomed the news that Blue Ivy was born 7th January this year.  What surprised me was the furore that followed.  Actually, it shouldn't have surprised me, there had been more than enough speculation about whether or not she was actually pregnant.  I suppose that my disappointment lay within the comments aroused by followers and members of the 'birthing community'.  Comments such as "it's not a proper birth", "was she too rich to have a natural birth?" etc etc.  This makes me so so sad.  


The majority of women who have Caesarean births don't choose to have them.  Perhaps lack of information or informed choice/consent took them down that path.  It could have been for strictly medical reasons.  Perhaps it was their choice, but why do we feel the need to comment so negatively about it all?  Now I'm sure that you know me well enough (and if you don't, well take it as given) to know that I don't believe "healthy baby by any means equals happy mum".  Of course we want our babies to be healthy, we just don't believe our bodies have to be unnecessarily ravaged to get there (please note the unnecessarily).  


Beyonce and Jay-Z released a statement about Blue Ivy's birth in light of all the speculation.  Even this though remains a point of controversy amongst people.  The birth itself was 'via a surrogate', the natural birth was 'a lie'.  People are seemingly not happy to accept the word of the parents themselves.  Is this because it is a celebrity thing and somehow, somewhere in our minds these are not real people?  Do we honestly believe that they have a special gift for knowing more than we do?  


When I had Number One Son, I was relatively clueless about birth.  I never attended a birth class (not even at the hospital - I didn't drive, it was in an awkward location and to be frank, surely you just went to hospital and came home with a baby).  With the knowledge I have now Number One Son may have been born vaginally.  I wouldn't have rushed to hospital at the first contraction or allowed myself to be induced 'because they were going to do it anyway'.  These are hindsight thoughts.  Perhaps it would still have been an 'emergency' section, perhaps not.  Did I birth my son?  Yes, I did.  I just had some extra help.  


Suppose I had been a Child Prodigy and had some amazing singing and dancing talent?  Would my birth have been any different?  Perhaps I would have listened to 'celebrity experts' or friends and simply decided that my birth would be the way that theirs were?  Or perhaps, like the actual me, I would just have remained uninformed because it didn't occur to me to be informed.


I suppose my disappointment lies in the fact that instead of celebrating the birth of a baby (yes, a celebrity's baby, but a baby nonetheless), we have fallen into the media frenzy of denigrating something that a celebrity has or hasn't done.  

Here's a lovely photo of the gorgeous Blue Ivy Carter.

Happy New Year

So, 2011 is coming a close.

This time last year I was documenting the changes that I wanted in the New Year.  This year, well I'm still hopeful of change in the birthing world and in the world of breastfeeding.  Another year has merely increased my love and passion for the work that I do.

I have seen some incredible births this year and I've seen some that have made me cry, and not tears of joy.  Life!  What a funny cycle it is.  

So, my plan for 2012?  To continue to grow in knowledge about this miracle of birth.  To continue to help new families come together.  The first half of the year is mostly booked up and I am grateful for that.  I pray that the births I witness in 2012 are beautiful ones, trauma free ones, joyful ones and that the only tears are ones of joy.  That's what I pray for and what I expect.  Should some of the births not quite all that I hope they are, well I pray for the grace to come through them and to fully support my ladies and their partners.

In 2012 I will meet some first time parents, some established parents and I will have the joy of attending the birth of babies whose siblings I saw into the world.

So, thank you 2011 for all that you taught me.  We won't meet again, but I look forward to meeting your successor 2012.  Here's to knowledge, here's to the new families.  Let's change things, one birth at a time.

Happy Christmas!

Happy Christmas to you and yours.  May 2012 bring you all that you hoped for and more.  With love from me and mine!

What's the cost of a Doula?

Recently a client told me that I didn't charge nearly enough.  I laughed.  I'm not cheap.  And then I got thinking about the cost of a Doula and that made me think about the Sister Doulas who have given up and the reasons why.


Some have quite simply burnt out.  Now, I always wondered how and why that happened, especially as I can't imagine it happening to me.  Well that was until I had done several not so great births in a row.  Then I appreciated the 'burn out'.  Hospital births can really take it out of you.  Let us assume that we all appreciate that the mother does all of the work and that any trauma, shock, adulation and joy belongs to the parents.  Now... let's think about the Doula.


She meets, she greets, she shares excitement.  She talks through hopes and fears.  She de-briefs previous experiences, she helps explore alternatives.  She is there to support, to hold, to gently be.  She signposts, she reminds, she encourages, she breathes.  She sits back, she comes forward, she sits back again.  She is respectful to the midwives and doctors and does not try to influence them (well except when she replies in quiet voices in an attempt to bring the volume back down for her birthing mum).  She hands over water, food, wet flannels and heat packs.  She does not go off duty, she remains in her place.  She exults in the power of woman as each baby is born and she weeps inside for the births that become traumatic.  She holds all of this and smiles and says words of congratulation.  She watches the new families bond and come together.  She encourages mum to feed the baby/ies.  She take pictures, she remembers weights and times.  She kisses and congratulates and takes her leave.  She remains at the end of the phone.


672 hours of on call
calls day and night
an unquantified amount of hours for labour and birth
another couple of hours post birth at a minimum